Today is Wednesday .... Ordinary day... woke up with the bad news that somebody really leave me. My heart really are broken in pieces. He really broke my heart but I don't think he even realize it because I never even have chance told him yet.
Life is just a dream... Life is not real... He told me that. He agree with me when I told him that I feel like this life is like a MATRIX movie. I love him because he the only one that understand me. Now he is gone. I don't even know where is he now. The only thing that I know from him is his name.
I will wait until I wake up from this dream. This heart is still hurt so bad. But I believe when I wake up, I will be ok. I will just wait until I wake up.
I hope you happy wherever you are....
Today I got home from OC. I'm sorry that I forgot to tell you that I was spend the weekend in OC. Diego gave me the unforgettable Birthday present ever.
He really spoiled me with the room at Hilton and dinner at Mix Lounge.
And also the day at Disneyland.
I want to say that my weekend was perfect but I can't. In the middle happiness I had slightly PTSD. My heart just hurt so bad, I feel like there's a knife stabbed to my chest. It just hurt so bad. Poor Diego, He didn't know what to do beside just let me cried.
Today I still don't feel good. I make couple friends and I went to yoga also did some meditation. I won't lie that my heart still hurt. It's getting better, not like yesterday but still hurt.
If only I know how to fix this things. I keep pray and pray to God to make me happy again. I know that a lot of people took advantage of me and hurt me before but now God give me a lot of new friends that loves me and spoils me. I should thankful for that.
I love YOU
I thank YOU
Good night,Sammy !!
Today is a better day than yesterday. I had a breakfast with Diego this morning. We talked about our plan for this weekend. I can't wait to spend this weekend with him.
Diego is such a good friend... without him, I don't think I can't get through this ....
Sometime I feel like when I wish somebody to like me, he didn't like me back but in the other hand when I don't wish other people to like me, they like me back and give me their love more than I can hold.
Today I also had a surprise from David, my new friend who took me to Frank and Son last weekend and took me to eat ramen at Gomen ramen. He texted me and he told me that he's been played and took care of his little nephew. So yeah.. that's it....
By the way... I also put my selfie on my Instagram (finally after a while)...
And now I want to go sleep... Good night, World....
Good Night, Sammy
Today I feel so depress :-( ...
I tried to meditated in the morning coached by the apps on my cell phone call "CALM" but it still not working.
After taking a shower, I do my routine plus listening to "Somewhere I belong" by LINKIN PARK per my psychiatrist order to make me feel good.
And I forced myself to go to the therapy today.
(Thanks GOD I made it because talked to him made me a little bit better)
Is it wrong if I feel like I have two identity? Is it wrong if I hate who I am? And I feel free to be someone else with the new identity?
Why is this so complicated? Sometimes I don't even know who am I?
Sometimes I don't even want to be me.
Are you as confused as I am? Because I am confused also. I see something that is not suppose to be seen. I heard something that is not suppose to be heard.
I do something that is not suppose to be doing.
I am tired ... Tired of thinking... Tired of figuring out ...
I think I will go to sleep...
Good night, Sammy
Good Evening, My Diary...
Since I woke up this morning everything that I heard, I saw, I read, all was about Eclipse ... Everybody so crazy and exciting about it. But honestly, I don't really care about the eclipse seriously. I'm not sure if this is because of my depression issue or my bipolar, but meh...
Eclipse or not... Monday is still Monday for me. I still have to deal with my own problem. But of course, I always ready with my poker face when somebody ask me "Did you see the eclipse this morning?" and I will answer the question with the smile and talk to him or her like I care about it so I won't offend him or her :-)
So these are some of the pictures that my mom took :
My lovely diary, today is my first day join the Feldenkrais Yoga or what they call Awareness thru Movement yoga. I really like this yoga, I confident that this yoga will help with my PTSD that caused by the bully at my job.
Today Diego told me that he will take me to Disneyland in the next 2 weeks to celebrate my belated Birthday (I'm so happy) ..... Yayyyy......
My Best friend,Sunny suddenly text me. She said that she will also take me to dinner for my belated birthday (Wow! What happen???)
Ok, my sweet diary...
It's getting late... Time for me to take my medicine and go to sleep. Since my class was ending last week, we have break for 1 week. So I don't need to study this week. I will see you again tomorrow. Like always, before you say good night to other people, try to say good night to yourself first.
Good night,Sammy !
Today I decide to add my diary to my website. I used to write everything on my diary book like an old people in 80s :-P
Hmmm so since I have to type it other than write it, I kinda nervous now. How to begin? Well... today I woke up with the bad migraine. For those of you who know me already, you know that I have this migraine every months (Ughhhh)
So today is not so pro active for me. Take my medication and take a nap. I chat with my new friend (Kevin) and my friend (Diego) on the phone. They are really concern about my migraine. Thank you, guys. :-)
Around 4 pm (ish) I feel better and ready to finish the final paper/reflection for my summer class. By the way I want to share a little bit about it. Maybe you think it might not even related to it. But I think it kinda related to it. In the last couples week I learn about persuasion and negotiation. And now we heard on the news about the upsetting stuff of "white supremacist" or "Neo-Nazi". For me, what they did were persuade people to do what they believe it is right. And we have our right to decide to follow or NOT to follow them. This country is a free country. This is USA. This is not North Korea where you have to follow what the leader say. We can NEGOTIATE with them. This country is not communism country.
Anyway, this is kinda upsetting me a little bit. I think I better go to sleep. Some people say good night to other person before they go to sleep but they forget to say good night to themselves. Like some people forgive other people but it is hard to forgive themselves.
For all my friends and my co-workers who read my diary, they know that I still on leave. I still trying to get better. In my heart, in my mind I forgive all the person that hurt me but I still cannot forgive myself. So I still try hard to do it.
Tonight, I will say Good night also to myself... I hope you are too...
Good night, Sammy
Just an ordinary woman who try to find my true happiness.